So every other day or so I’ll remind myself that I’m a terrible person, a bad Buddhist, and a lazy piece of shit. It’s kinda like morning wood, or having it rain on your day off- clockwork. NO big deal. Most of the time I’ll have a mini argument with myself in my head; speaking of which- I always wondered what my face looked like during these spats. The thing I dwell on the most is the wanting. I always want more, not really a greed thing, but maybe the same. For some reason I feel like I am deserving, and that I must take so the world is balanced and some shit like that. I know that’s not how it works though, even needs can be restricted and slimmed down. Make any and every excuse you want, it wont change the way things really work out there. Blame and shame aren’t real, but diversions. It’s not always as easy as just growing up, and taking responsibility. Sometime it’s just about going without and dealing with it- without having to tell the world, or your mom or whatever. About now is where I realize I’m always going to be a student and it’s ok to make mistakes or be less then top of the class. Hard as it may be, nothings going to change except for change. Now, I can finally take a piss and brush  my teeth.